Dear bullies,
You didn't win.
Don't get me wrong. The battles sucked. But you lost the war.
I'll admit that I had it a lot easier than so many others including Amanda Todd. But seeing and hearing what she went through made me think back to a time when life wasn't so awesome. It made me think back to a time when I hated going to school because of you. I hated getting on the bus because of you. You made my life miserable. I remember the name-calling and the fights we used to get into.
Here's the thing though. You made fun of me and taunted me because I was smarter than you. I wasn't as physically fit as you. You were actually winning for a while, because I started to drop my grades on purpose. But then I became the "fat, dumb kid" instead of the "fat, smart kid". I'm kicking myself now for letting you have that little victory.
Like I said, I had it much easier than others though. I had (and still have) a super-supportive family, in a house where I could escape your tormenting, even if only for a while. They stood up for me, approaching you in school when teachers did nothing and your parents continued to claim that you "wouldn't do such a thing." It taught me some very valuable lessons like "you're the only one who can be responsible for your actions" and "treat others how you'd like to be treated." I can't imagine being a kid now, having to put up with the actions of people like you, on Facebook and all the other ways they stay connected.
We parted ways after I finished grade six. We went to different schools. That's where I made friends with people who liked me for me. Heck, we still hang out whenever we can. They were the positive influences in my life you could have been. But you couldn't be bothered. I could have been crediting you for helping me along this path I've gone. Instead, they deserve all the credit in the world for coming along for this crazy ride.
You deserve some kudos though. You're the example of the kinds of people I don't need in my life and the kinds of people that no one should feel the need or want to have in their lives. You helped shape the person I've become, as it soon became evident what kind of person I didn't want to become.
This is one of the many examples for kids out there that it does, in fact, get better. I don't wish ill-will for you. I only hope that you learned some valuable lessons along the way, just as I did. I'm sure you may have a wife, kids, or other loved ones, and I hope you realize that they don't deserve to be treated the way you treated me. You'll want karma to be on your side eventually. I can't control what happened then and can't control what happens to you now.
All I can control is what I took from our experience together:
You didn't win.
Sincerely,
Joe
Your story is a familiar one to me. And you put it best by saying "The battles sucked. But you lost the war." I couldn't agree more on that term. I don't remember everything perfectly, I don't remember some of the places I was, heck even some of the names are blurry to me. But I remember how I felt. I remember the awkwardness, the tears, the rejection, the bitterness and anger. All 12 years I was subjected to it.
ReplyDeleteI remember thinking "What is wrong with me? Why can't I fit in? Why do I deserve this?" It took graduation and being away from those people for me to realize that that "I" was not the problem. It was them who had issues with me. In fact, looking back, I must have seemed scary to them.
You know, a over weight, glasses wearing, day dreamer girl with a learning disorder must have been pretty intimidating in order for them to put me down. But, like you, I would love to offer each and every single one a congratulations on their attempts, but inform that their feeble motives were unsuccessful. Instead of creating a "victim." They created a survivor. The greatest part of being a "survivor," is that you become stronger. Because you know you can survive. I was one of the lucky ones. To this day, those junior bullies grew into adult bullies, and some try to control me. But they don't have that power. Not anymore.
But, some are not so lucky. Some do not have the support group, the family or the opportunity to leave. And some of them are no longer here anymore. Nobody should be so distressed that public coverage leads to the answer of suicide. And even I will admit, social dynamics have altered even since I was in school. And people have access to us on a different level than I could ever imagine.
But people like you. Like me. Like SO MANY out there, it is important to tell our story, to teach others grace and compassion, and break the cycle of learned behaviors of intolerance, hate, and rejection. To offer support and guidance to those in those similar situations and grant them comfort that they have to keep moving forward, and that there is a life outside what bullies have shown. Keep up the good work and continue winning!